Didn’t see that coming!

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second, everything went quiet in the cab and then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t ever do that again! You scared the daylights out of me!”

The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.”

The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault! Today is my first day as a cab driver – I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.”

A couple is dressed and ready to go out for the evening.
They phone for a cab, turn on the night light, cover their pet parakeet and put the cat out in the backyard. The taxi arrives and they open the front door to leave.

Suddenly, the cat they have put out scoots back into the house. They don’t want the cat shut in there because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes back in.

The cat runs upstairs, with the man in hot pursuit. The wife doesn’t want the driver to know the house will be empty. She explains to him that her husband will be out soon. “He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.”

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. “Sorry, it took so long,” he says, as they drive away. “Stupid hag was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger so she would come out. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But, it worked.”

A driver visiting a big city for the first time stopped at a red light.
But when the light turned green, he stayed where he was.

After the light changed several more times and he still didn’t move, a traffic cop ran over and inquired politely, “What’s wrong? Don’t we have any colors you like?”

Father O’Flannagan dies due to old age.
Upon entering St. Peter’s gate, there is another man in front of him in the queue waiting to go into heaven.

St. Peter asks the man, “What is your name what did you accomplish during your life?”.

The man responds “My name is Joe Cohen, and I was a New York city taxi driver for 14 years”

“Very well,” says St. Peter, “Here is your silk robe and golden scepter, now you may walk in the streets of our Lord.”

St. Peter looks at the Father, and asks “What is your name and what did you accomplish?”

He responds, “I’m Father O’Flannagan, and have devoted the last 62 years to the Lord.”

“Very well,” says St. Peter, “Here is your cotton robe and wooden staff, you may enter.”

“Wait a minute,” says O’Flannagan, “You gave the taxi driver a silk robe and golden scepter, why did I only get a cotton robe and wooden staff?”

“Well,” St. Peter replied, “We work on a performance scale. While you preached, everyone slept, but when he drove taxis, everyone prayed!”